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Monday, June 13, 2011

I Hate You!

"I hate everything about you!" My 12.5-year-old daughter yells at me at least once a week. At first, I was crushed. Now I inwardly laugh and pray this emotional craziness ends soon. If you have a girl and you thought you were done with tantrums after the terrible twos, you may be in for a rude awakening. I certainly was.

I have four daughters and this is number two. I know I'll go through some form of this kind of separation/hatred with two more and I have started to build a thick skin.

My friend Julie Hanks told me at lunch one day that girls have a much harder time with their mothers than boys do. She said something like they are conflicted. At the same time they look up to their mother and don't want to be anything like her at times. I remember those feelings, but it's been a while. I see my own daughters trying to become their own women and identifying with the woman their mother is, too. I guess that includes telling me off once in a while.

I've learned it's best to just let them vent and struggle while keeping a consistent, calm and solid presence. Let them mock and fight, sass and pout — I won't get emotionally drawn in. When I feel my blood starting to to boil, I try to physically or mentally walk away. "Disassociate," says my husband, when the teen or tween start to rant at me. That's the best way to diffuse their fuse.

3 comments:

  1. I have an 11.5-year-old who is going to be the end of me. I'm hoping this phase ends soon. It's been going on for at least 10 years.

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  2. You'll need to remind me of this in about 8 years :) Praying no sooner!

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  3. This brought back some memories....geez, why was I so mean to mom? Now I have a baby girl and I'm quivering in my boots (thankfully I've got a few years before it starts) - sorry mom, thanks for putting up with us!

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