Permission to Cross Things Off Your List

A blog devoted to over-achiever parents:
 http://elfontheshelfideas.com

A trendy new Christmas tradition for parents with young children has popped up. It involves purchasing a doll and book called The Elf on the Shelf. Apparently, this all-seeing-elf doll keeps an eye on kids during the daylight hours and flies home every evening to Santa Claus to report how each child is behaving. Someone came up with yet another way for parents to bribe kids (or scare them, perhaps?) into behaving like perfect little angels so come Christmas morning they will score more loot from St. Nick.

Creative parents even orchestrate scenes filled with intrigue, humor or mystery involving  their family elf. At recess on the days before winter break kids will talk about what their individual Christmas spies did that morning. It is the new thing. Conversation starters like, "How do you think my elf got into the fridge," or "What did your elf bring you," or "Is your elf a boy or a girl?" are heard in elementary schools all over our city.

A mom friend at work recently asked me if I participate in the Elf on the Shelf tradition at my house. She wasn't pressuring me, just gauging how committed I am to keeping up on the trends. After I told her I can barely keep up with my Tooth Fairy duties, she confessed how many times she has woken up in a state of panic that her kids would wake to an elf that had not moved. She lived in fear that neither she nor her husband had moved the cherubic goody two shoes the night before…and wished, out loud, that she had never caved in to getting one.

No one should ever be in a panic over moving a doll or anything else that isn't truly an emergency. In fact, I copied a quote on a Post-It™ years ago to which I refer to when things get hectic, or when my nine-year-old asks why we don't have an Elf on the Shelf.

"Reduce life down to what's precious and the necessary. In a world of complexity, the best weapon is simplicity."

Learning to reduce is a challenge. Asking yourself what is precious and what is necessary frequently presents a tough choice. However, those tough choices become easier with time. I rarely choose an outside activity on a weeknight after a day at the office when I can instead spend time with my family. Spending time with family always takes precedence.

At the end of your life, are you really going to feel bad if you didn't try every recipe you pinned on Pinterest? Are you going to wish you had handmade more neighbor gifts for every holiday? Will you pine over all the stuff you never had?

As the New Year kicks off, think of the most important things, not just things to add to your "stuff to do" checklist. Whether eliminating things like the Elf on the Shelf, or not participating in every activity to which you're invited (whether you want to go or not), start thinking about what's precious and what's necessary and wield your sword of simplicity proudly.

How to Make Popcorn on the Stove

While I was making popcorn on the stove top for my kiddos, one of my friends told me I should post that action...apparently this skill I am so used to doing isn't one that many people know how to do.

Popcorn is both healthy and tasty...so, make some today to snack on or enjoy in front of a movie.

What you'll need:

Coconut oil
White popcorn kernels
Stainless steel deep soup pan with clear glass lid
Salt

Steps:

1. Put your pan on a burner at medium high heat. 
2. Scoop out enough coconut oil to coat the bottom of your pan.
3. Drop one kernel into the pot once all coconut oil is melted (there should be about a 1/4" of cocunut oil in the base of the pot). Put on the lid.
4.  Wait for that one little kernel to pop.
5. Once the kernel has popped, pour enough popcorn in to coat the bottom of your pan in a single layer. I use 1/2 cup.
6. Shake the pot back and forth to coat all the kernels.
7. Wait for it all to start popping. 
8. Once the popping slows down or stops, pour the contents into a big bowl.
9. Salt to taste.
10. Enjoy!

Here's a quick video to show how it's done:

End-of-Year Review

Doing a year-end review is eye-opening. Loads of wonderful things happened in 2012:

The toddler was successfully potty trained.

We took a fun family vacation to Tucson and Phoenix, Arizona for spring break.

My best friend from childhood visited me and we spent a weekend at Snowbird, including a day at the Cliff Spa.

Our family travelled to Chicago for two weeks.

I started running and triathlon training again and competed in my first triathlon after adrenal fatigue.

I painted a lot more and started sharing my art with people on this blog.

My sweet daughter was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I ran my first 10K and half marathon.

My parents celebrated 50 years of marriage and I celebrated 19 years of marriage. 

Oh, and I was fired from my job on April 9, 2012.

Of all the things that happened in 2012, getting fired has been the biggest catalyst. 

I haven't written about getting fired because I was so upset and frustrated. I didn't want to write in anger and appear bitter or vindictive. But, I was both of those things for a long time. The crazy thing about getting let go is that it completely minimizes you. In my case I had no warning and was completely blindsided when I had worked so hard to show my employers how much I wanted to help the company succeed. In the end, though, I wasn't enough...and that's what devastated me. 

Now, though, I can look back and see all the beautiful things getting fired taught me. 

• Getting close to your kids and husband is fulfilling and joyful
• Nurturing talents feeds your soul in a lasting way 
• Personal value is deeper than your career or job
• Meetings are overrated and more often than not—unnecessary
• Focusing on your blessings and helping others will always help you feel happy

Although I wouldn't wish that on anyone, I am grateful for the lessons I've learned about life, about human nature and about what's really important. I'm ready now and looking forward to the lessons of 2013.

How to Stay Married

My husband and I just celebrated 19 years of marriage. We've been through a lot together.  We fell in love and got married nearly a year later and had no idea what we were in for — most notably, how much our relationship would evolve and change, especially when we added kids into the mix. What

I've learned about staying married:

1. Put each other first
2. Laugh — a lot
3. Listen to each other and give each other your full attention
4. Play...have fun together
5. Do little things for each other that show you care, like you did when you were dating
6. Kiss and hug
7. Don't entertain the idea that there's a "way out" — marriage and parenthood teach you how to be a more selfless person...and we all need that
8. Tell them often how much you appreciate them

I'm the luckiest girl alive to have my husband in my life; he's my best friend, my counselor, my editor, my lover, my cheerleader, my handyman, my one true love, my support, my other half, my strength...

Here's the most important tip: Give more than you expect to get in return

My Non-Negotiable: Family Dinner

When asked to name one of my strengths recently, my oldest daughter told me, "you always make sure we have healthy food and that we always eat dinner together." I never thought that was a strength.  I assumed that family dinner happened nightly for most families. After asking my girls about their friends' families I found out that it was a rarity, not the standard. 

What? 

Is it true that families don't eat dinner together these days? Are people in such a hurry in their lives that they can't make the time to gather and sit down at a family meal anymore?

Although our dinner time fluctuates from day to day based on what activities we have, I make sure that my kids know dinner time is family time and therefore sacred time. We aren't allowed to have any electronic devices at the table. If your phone buzzes or rings, you're not allowed to pick it up. Crazy, but good.

Dinner time is different than any other meal. We start with a quick read from the scriptures and a kneeling family prayer. We take turns listening to each other. Everyone talks about their day, if they want to share. We ask about their favorite part of the day and usually have a few good laughs. We discuss current events, social situations, difficulties at school or work, small successes, funny stories and plans for the future. Some of our favorite times happen after everyone is finished eating, but stays at the table because we're having such a good time together. Those moments are golden.

Most of the time it's not perfect, though. Often we have interrupting, kicking, poking, shoving, crying, stealing food from someone else or taking seconds without asking if anyone else wants more. Family life at its finest.

But, we keep trying.

Family dinner time is the best opportunity to teach my kids how to be gracious, polite, kind, patient, tolerant and well-mannered people.

Kids need their parent's undivided attention more than ever these days. Dinner time is the best time to do that. No TV, no smart phones, no distractions — just a good meal with those we love best in the world.

Do you have family dinner? If not, why?

How to Make a Roman Shade

Want to make a curtain that looks professional? Try making your own Roman shade. Making curtains is simple and quick...this takes a bit more time, but you'll love the results.

This was my first attempt. I looked everywhere for an easy tutorial, but couldn't find one. My older sister sent me instructions from a book, but I modified them somewhat to my own taste and needs (read: laziness).

Most of the items you'll need are available at your local fabric store. (I go to JoAnn fabrics for all my sewing/decor/craft supplies.) Here's what you'll need to make your own inside-mount Roman shade:

• fabric for interior of shade, cut to one inch wider and 7 inches longer than the measurements of the inside from of your window. Remember: measure twice, cut once.
• lining fabric for shade, cut to measurements of your window
• sewing machine
• thread that matches your fabric 
• scissors
• sewing needle
• staple gun
• drill (and if you're not familiar with using one, you'll also need a husband/boyfriend/neighbor to operate it)
• marking pen/pencil
• ruler and/or t-square
• drapery rings
• drapery Velcro
• drapery cording, pull cord, and attachable tie
• wood, cut to fit your window (length depends on whether you mount it on the outside or inside of the window frame)
• 3-4 long screws and washers to go through the fabric-covered wood into the top of the window frame 
• Stitch Witchery (or some other tape-like fabric adhesive) 
• 4-5 screw eyes (these are screws with a ring on the end)

1. Measure the window. I measured the inside of the frame for an inside mount. If you do an outside mount shade, you'll need to determine where you want the shade to sit in relation to the length and width of your window frame.
2. Cut the fabric one inch wider and 7 inches longer than your window measurement. This will give you a 1/2 inch of seam allowance on both sides and nice finished fold at the bottom. You will be wrapping the fabric around the lining and attaching the sides with Stitch Witchery.
3. Cut the lining to exactly the width and 1 inch longer than the window.
4. Cut fabric to wrap around you piece of wood. Wrap the fabric around the wood as though you're wrapping a present. Then, use your staple gun to staple the fabric in place. 
5. Place the fabric-covered board inside the top of the window frame. While you or a friend holds it in place, drill holes the same length and slightly narrower than the long screws. Secure the long screws with washers into the board and window frame using the drill or screwdriver. (see photo #2 below)
6. With right sides together and about a 1/2" overlap of the main fabric (the fabric you want facing the room when you hang your blind) on both sides, sew the top of the fabric panels together with a 1/2" seam allowance.  Reverse and press seam flat.
7. Make sure there is an overlap of the main fabric on the sides (about 1/2 inch on each side). The fabric will be 7 inches longer than the lining. Fold up the bottom of fabric 4 inches and press the back part of the fabric under 1/2 to 1 inch. Then, sew through panel and lining fabric close to the fold you just pressed.
8. For a seamless look, place the Stitch Witchery adhesive tape along the sides of the lining fabric. Fold over the main fabric and press, following the directions on the Stitch Witchery package to adhere the two fabrics. Repeat on both sides of the blind. Note: You can also sew this, but there will be a clear seam on your blind when it's not open. You can also use Fray Check here, but I didn't. Again, no one will see it. (see photo #1 below)
9. Attach the Drapery Velcro to the board and your Roman shade. I put the hook side on the board and used the staple gun to secure it. Then, I stitched the loop side to the shade. (see photo #2 below)
10. You're nearly done! Decide how far apart you want your guide loops to go. I put too many, I think. My window was only 30" wide and I did five guide loops. Use a t-square or other long ruler to mark where the loops will go.
11. Hand stitch each loop in place. Make sure your thread matches your main fabric, so it will be as inconspicuous as possible. I placed the bottom loops up above the hem and moved up from there. This may take some time to figure out. Don't rush. Make sure you have it right before you start to sew. (see photo #1 below)
12. Mark the location of screw eyes on the board mounted inside the window sill. Match up the measurements with the guide loops you just sewed on. Don't worry, though, if it's off because it really doesn't matter. No one will see and deduct points if they are not in alignment with the guide loops. Use a drill with a bit slightly smaller than the size of the screw eyes and drill the guide holes. 
13. Once holes are drilled, secure the screw eyes. (see photo #2 below)
14. Tie the drapery cording to the bottom guide loop and put it through each guide loop above it until you get to the top. 
15. Once you have all the drapery cord woven through each guide loop, decide which side you want to pull from and thread the cord through the screw eyes on the board to that side. Attach the Velcro's and thread the drapery cord through. You will need a helper to hold up the shade while you do this. (see photo #2 below)
16. Take all ends of the cord and put it through a drapery pull. Knot the ends securely and trim.
17. Secure the tie for the cord inside the window sill with the provided screws. (see photo #3 below)
18. Pull up your shade carefully, creasing it as you go with your hands. 
19. Keep the shade up for a few days to let the creases set.
20. Enjoy!

Photo #1 Illustrating steps 8 and 11

Photo #2 Illustrating steps 5, 9, 13, and 15

Photo #3 Illustrating steps 16 and 17

If you have any questions, please ask. 

 

Missing Daddy

The best conversations with my toddler happen while she's, um...on the potty. Here's what she told me the day her daddy left for a trip.

Lessons in Motherhood

In the 16 years that I've been a mother, I've learned a few things.

• You may not get publicly acknowledged for your excellent work at home, but once in a while you'll go to bed truly happy and satisfied for the loving service you gave your family.
• You'll never know as much as your teenagers. Ever.
• Your children are precious beyond any job you could ever hold.

 What motherhood lessons have you learned?

Mmmmm, Bread

I still don't eat white sugar...but, I recently rediscovered a bread recipe given to me by my older sister. I tweaked it a bit to make it a bit more healthy (but, it's still bread and it uses white flour, so it will still pack on the pounds if you eat too much). If you haven't closed your window from that last parenthetical statement, here is the recipe. This works best if you have a Kitchenaid or another mixer with a powerful dough hook.

This recipe makes enough to make all or several of the following:

bread
cinnamon rolls
pizza crust
bread sticks


3.5 cups hot water
1 Tbsp yeast
1/3 cup agave
1 Tbsp + 1 tsp sea salt
2/3 cup canola oil
7 cups unbleached flour
1 cup wheat germ
1/2 flax meal

1. Dissolve yeast in 2 cups of the hot water. Make sure the water is about bath-water warm, not too hot.
2. Add remaining ingredients one by one, while mixing (including the 1.5 cups of warm/hot water), until they form  a ball. The dough will still be slightly gooey and may stick to the sides of the bowl.
3. Remove dough hook, cover with a towel, and let it rise for 40 minutes.
4. Punch down and let it rise for 20 minutes.
5. Divide into fourths.

Each fourth is good for cinnamon rolls, pizza dough, a loaf of bread, bread sticks, etc. Freeze dough or store in the fridge.

Bake at 350 degrees.
Bread sticks and cinnamon rolls: 20 minutes
Pizza dough: 17 minutes
Loaves of bread: 1 hour

Fresh, warm-out-of-the-oven, homemade bread. Is there anything better on a cool, rainy fall day? Maybe if you have no where to go, no kids to corral or fetch, and a quiet house, you could even eat your warm bread in peace. This is what I wish for all the busy mommies out there.

I Hate You!

"I hate everything about you!" My 12.5-year-old daughter yells at me at least once a week. At first, I was crushed. Now I inwardly laugh and pray this emotional craziness ends soon. If you have a girl and you thought you were done with tantrums after the terrible twos, you may be in for a rude awakening. I certainly was.

I have four daughters and this is number two. I know I'll go through some form of this kind of separation/hatred with two more and I have started to build a thick skin.

My friend Julie Hanks told me at lunch one day that girls have a much harder time with their mothers than boys do. She said something like they are conflicted. At the same time they look up to their mother and don't want to be anything like her at times. I remember those feelings, but it's been a while. I see my own daughters trying to become their own women and identifying with the woman their mother is, too. I guess that includes telling me off once in a while.

I've learned it's best to just let them vent and struggle while keeping a consistent, calm and solid presence. Let them mock and fight, sass and pout — I won't get emotionally drawn in. When I feel my blood starting to to boil, I try to physically or mentally walk away. "Disassociate," says my husband, when the teen or tween start to rant at me. That's the best way to diffuse their fuse.

Favorite Read-Aloud Children's Books

One Morning in Maine by Robert McCloskey
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I have a tattered paperback version of this book from my childhood. I would read this book and imagine I was the older sister, losing my tooth on the beach in Maine. It wasn't an outlandish fantasy — I grew up in Maine. I can almost taste the salty air and hear the loon laughing when I read this book to my children. I fell in love with this book as a child and I love it even more now that I have kids.


View all my reviews

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book always makes me cry a little. But, in a good way. I'm convinced, that if more people read this book and were as generous as this tree, there would be a lot more happiness.

View all my reviews

Squids Will Be Squids by Jon Scieszka

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is a hilarious book. The illustrations are intricately repulsive. You'll want to read it again after you put the kids to bed.

View all my reviews

The Diamond in the Window by Jane Langton

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I read this book when I was in grade school. It was fantastical and imaginative. It made such an impression on me that, to this day, I can still remember how fascinated I was while reading it. I want to read it again!

View all my reviews

How to Fix a Hole in Your (Cashmere) Sweater

I love cashmere sweaters. They're perfect for spring and fall, even in winter when you want to be cozy, but you don't want a lot of layers.

I have slowly collected several colors of cashmere sweaters over the years. I have a problem with them, though. Because my house has very little storage room for off-season clothes, the moths sometimes find them and have a snack.

So, in order to keep my sweaters looking nice (not to mention saving the money I spent on them) I've had to learn how to repair those tiny holes in my favorite sweaters.


Here's what you'll need:

Scissors, thread to match the sweater, needle

1. Turn your sweater inside out. 
2. Find the hole and thread your needle, tying a knot at the end of your thread.
3. Start at one end of the hole and go around the perimeter of the hole with your needle. 
4. Cinch the thread tight enough to bring the hole closed most of the way. 
5. Taking tiny stitches, sew the edges of the hole closed. You won't want to make big stitches because they're more likely to show on the outside of your sweater.
6. Once the hole is completely sewn, tie off the thread by looping your needle back through the stitches you've already made. 
7. Voila! You're done. 

The sweater, when turned right side out, will show what looks like a small blemish (can you see it in the photo?), but no one will notice. See?

Why I'll never buy another appliance from Home Depot

For those of you who know me, I'm not one to mince words. This is the letter I sent to the Home Depot social media person about my experience with purchasing my new LG washer/dryer from them. I sent it on December 10. I still have not heard back from anyone at Home Depot.
-----------

Hi Sarah,

I just got off the phone with LG. The purpose of their call was to tell me that the LG washer/dryer my husband and I purchased on Black Friday from Home Depot would not be delivered on December 15, when we were told it would be delivered. Then, the LG rep proceded to tell me they were not able to deliver it until after the first of the year. That's nearly six weeks from purchase!

I understand about products not being held at the store or a nearby warehouse (although that may be something Home Depot needs to do). What I don't understand is why a big company, like Home Depot, would make such a huge customer service gamble on predicting the delivery of such a vital home appliance. My current washing machine has been on the fritz for well over a month. By the time I get this washing machine and dryer from Home Depot, I'll be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Here's why:

I have four daughters ranging in age from one to 14. They change their clothes a lot. My baby poops through her clothes a lot. She also makes a lot of messes. I have a husband who likes to workout everyday. I also workout everyday. We sweat a lot. We have a lot of laundry which piles up and starts to smell. Quickly.

Recently, my first grader brought home lice. Do you know what you have to do when you have someone in your house with lice? Wash everything. And I mean everything. All clothes, bedding, backpacks, coats, hats, carpets, pillows, stuffed animals, and, of course every head in your house has to be scoured with lice shampoo and needs to be scrutinized with a fine-tooth comb.  All while I'm waiting for my new  washer and dryer to come from Home Depot.

We were all celebrating at my house last night that we have less than a week before the washer and dryer will be delivered. Then, I get this call today.

I have a lot of connections. I am more than willing to copy and paste this letter into my Facebook notes and my own blog. I would be happy to tell everyone out there - all the moms I know - to not purchase from Home Depot if they really need their purchase to save them from imminent household chaos.

If I don't hear from someone at Home Depot, I'll start my all-out campaign to spread the word about this experience.

By the way, I'm the editor of a woman's magazine with 165,00 women readers in Utah. They'll know about this, too.

Pamela Baumeister
The person who just spent over $1200 in your store.