Participate in Life

In the interest of managing my time better and making sure I'm more fully engaged with the people around me, I deleted the Facebook app from my iPhone.

Since I handle the social media at work, I can't completely avoid social media entirely. I see updates and tags and messages, etc. on Facebook but now I don't have easy access to them from my phone at all hours of the day.  I still have Instagram on my phone, but I am slowing down on it and trying to be a bit more judicious with the time I choose to spend on there. 

Maybe you've already seen this video...but, my sister posted this video to her Facebook page I saw today while at work. It speaks volumes about our society and our newest addictions. I also like it because it rhymes.  

Do you think our "looking down" at our devices keeps us from interacting? What steps are you taking to connect more in real life with the world around you?

How to Stay Married

My husband and I just celebrated 19 years of marriage. We've been through a lot together.  We fell in love and got married nearly a year later and had no idea what we were in for — most notably, how much our relationship would evolve and change, especially when we added kids into the mix. What

I've learned about staying married:

1. Put each other first
2. Laugh — a lot
3. Listen to each other and give each other your full attention
4. Play...have fun together
5. Do little things for each other that show you care, like you did when you were dating
6. Kiss and hug
7. Don't entertain the idea that there's a "way out" — marriage and parenthood teach you how to be a more selfless person...and we all need that
8. Tell them often how much you appreciate them

I'm the luckiest girl alive to have my husband in my life; he's my best friend, my counselor, my editor, my lover, my cheerleader, my handyman, my one true love, my support, my other half, my strength...

Here's the most important tip: Give more than you expect to get in return

My Non-Negotiable: Family Dinner

When asked to name one of my strengths recently, my oldest daughter told me, "you always make sure we have healthy food and that we always eat dinner together." I never thought that was a strength.  I assumed that family dinner happened nightly for most families. After asking my girls about their friends' families I found out that it was a rarity, not the standard. 

What? 

Is it true that families don't eat dinner together these days? Are people in such a hurry in their lives that they can't make the time to gather and sit down at a family meal anymore?

Although our dinner time fluctuates from day to day based on what activities we have, I make sure that my kids know dinner time is family time and therefore sacred time. We aren't allowed to have any electronic devices at the table. If your phone buzzes or rings, you're not allowed to pick it up. Crazy, but good.

Dinner time is different than any other meal. We start with a quick read from the scriptures and a kneeling family prayer. We take turns listening to each other. Everyone talks about their day, if they want to share. We ask about their favorite part of the day and usually have a few good laughs. We discuss current events, social situations, difficulties at school or work, small successes, funny stories and plans for the future. Some of our favorite times happen after everyone is finished eating, but stays at the table because we're having such a good time together. Those moments are golden.

Most of the time it's not perfect, though. Often we have interrupting, kicking, poking, shoving, crying, stealing food from someone else or taking seconds without asking if anyone else wants more. Family life at its finest.

But, we keep trying.

Family dinner time is the best opportunity to teach my kids how to be gracious, polite, kind, patient, tolerant and well-mannered people.

Kids need their parent's undivided attention more than ever these days. Dinner time is the best time to do that. No TV, no smart phones, no distractions — just a good meal with those we love best in the world.

Do you have family dinner? If not, why?

How to Help Your Child Adjust to a New School

My second daughter started at a new school this last year. She was in 6th grade. The only friend she had was a neighbor girl who was in 7th grade. After the initial coolness of being the new girl wore off things got hard. She didn't know anyone in her grade and the school was small. Most of the friendships were already established making it difficult for her to break in to a friend group. Her older friend didn't seem to have much time for my daughter.  She felt lost.

As a result, her report card got progressively worse and she felt more and more inadequate. The further behind she got in her school work the more hopeless she felt. She finally just gave up,  rationalizing that it was too late to turn things around.

Next year I'll know the things I wish I had known this year. Next year, I'll be a better support for her. I know she'll do better too, because she's the kind of girls who can't stand to be bad at something.

Whether your child is starting kindergarten or just changing schools (elementary to junior high or junior high to high school counts), here's my advice for parents with a child starting at a new school:

• Get to know the teachers and school administrators. When there are problems (and there will be), they'll already know you and the conversations will be more productive.
• Be patient. The transition will take a good year for everyone to get adjusted.
• Your child may exhibit uncharacteristic behavior in a new situation and with a different social setting. Expect that you'll need to be more available for them with extra love and a listening ear. Don't always rush in to fix a situation. Let them try. If it seems like it won't turn around, step in carefully and let them know.
• Create a schedule for your child to include homework time, reading time, and chilling out time. The consistency in their after-school schedule will help balance out the unsteadiness they feel in their school schedule.
• Make sure they feel your confidence in them. Ask them if there is one thing they are nervous about and listen. Encourage them and tell them how proud of them you and that you'll be there for them if it gets rough.

Change can be difficult, but you and your child can learn to work through it together. If you have a child starting kindergarten, check out this post I wrote for KidSteals.com.

Good luck!

The Trouble with Blog Headlines

The Canyons Resort in Park City. Location of the Evo Conference 2011.

Recently, I attended an informative and uber-cool event in picturesque Park City, Utah.  Evo Conference: The Evolution of Women in Social Media many talented women (and men) in social media were there. Many of them have blogs. Some write more than a few blogs (that just makes me tired). I learned a lot about using social media, working with brands, building a better blog, and how to make vlogs that won't stink. (A "vlog" is short for video blogging. One of the presenters for that session was Jenny on the Spot...vlogger extraordinaire. Check her out here).

Me and vlogging sparkle star, @jennyonthespot at #evoconf.

One of the sessions I went to was led by three smartypants editors of BabyCenter (find them on Twitter @BabyCenter). They taught us how to write better and nurture our blogs so they can grow. They were knowledgeable, approachable and adept — filling our heads with lots of useful information on how to get better at our online craft.

Here is a handy checklist the staff from BabyCenter shared with us for writing better blogposts:

• Headline: Write a compelling and understandable headline. Keep it short and tight (5 to 7 words). Use trending terms when possible (You can find trending terms here.) Some great clickable headlines the editors of BabyCenter suggested started with these words or phrases: how to..., the worst..., the best..., the trouble with..., easy..., top....
• Compelling: Engage your readers. To inspire comments, finish your post with a question asking for their perspective.
• Photo: Upload a great photo (or photos) to illustrate your post. Make sure you include a caption, photo credit, link, and alt text when possible.
• Links: Check your links to make sure they're working and linking to the correct pages. If there are opportunities to link to fellow blogger or a past link of your own, do it!
• Tags: Use Google AdWords to develop a list of key words and trending terms when possible.
• Spell Check: Don't simply trust your computer or blogging platform to check for proper spelling. Double check all proper nouns and word usage. Common misspellings the electronic spell-checker won't catch: its, it's; to, too, two; their, they're, there; your, you're.
• Punctuation: Do all sentences end with punctuation? Make sure you're not over using exclamation points. My own personal rule of thumb is one exclamation for every 500 words. When you use them sparingly, they have more punch.
• Read aloud: Right before you post, read your writing out loud to yourself. This will help you catch typos and grammatical errors that might confuse your readers.
• Promote: Post your content on Facebook and Twitter. Give your story a thumbs-up on StumbleUpon. Pinterest your post. Start a thread about your post in online communities. Email a link to your story to competing blogs so they can include it in a similar story. Don't be shy.

What a treat! Meeting Elmo at the Evo Conference 2011.

In other news...and because I want to brag...I met Elmo at the Evo Conference!

Want more details about the Evo Conference? Check out this very thorough conference wrap-up blog by Laurie, the Tip Junkie and another social media babe.

Hope to see you at Evo Conference 2012 — registration is open now!

Venting About Kids

Being a mother is a lot of work and you can never truly take a day off. Even Mother's Day isn't really a day off. Your kids are still bound to need diaper changes, baths, reminders to be nice to their sister, hugs, reminders to empty the dishwasher, etc. So, how do you go day in and day out for 18+ years without so much as a mother-of-the-month plaque or paid time off? How do we let out all that pent up steam from this tough job?

A lot of moms vent. Guilty.

If I have a child who is driving me nuts and I don't know what to do, I whine to a friend, neighbor, stranger in the grocery store — anyone who will validate my frustrations or my choice of parental punishment. I'm not sure that those venting sessions truly solve the problems. It might make me feel a bit justified for the moment, but that feeling is only temporary, though. I still have to live with the kid who pooped through outfit number three in one day/lost my favorite shirt, brought home an F on her report card, shut her sister's hand in the door for the second time in 30 minutes, won't stop screaming and let me sleep, etc.

Here are a few reasons I have to remind myself about for not venting to others in the heat of emotion about my kids:

1. Those people to whom you vent might form a negative impression about your child based on your ranting, which could create problems for that child later on. The analogy I think of is one I got from Dr. Laura — never complain about your husband to your mother. You may forgive and forget, but your mother (bless her heart) may judge your husband by that one conversation for years.  The same holds true for people your child knows (or will know eventually).
2. Your child may hear you. This has happened to me a few times. My child hears me saying something about them to a friend or family member and they are hurt. I don't know how to repair that kind of trust breakdown other than ask them to forgive me and try not to do it again. 
3. You're teaching poor coping skills to your child. If you don't deal with problems directly, how will your child? If you discuss a frustration about someone with everyone else but that person, you can often make the situation much worse. Dealing directly with the problem is tough, but something all children (and grownups) should learn to do. I want my kids to learn this skill for their school-aged problems before they get into more real-world problems.
4. It's not nice. This is probably the most important one. Kids are real people, too. Even if the baby can't understand you, it's best not to complain about their behavior incessantly. Asking for help for something is totally acceptable and necessary even, to get feedback on how to improve. But, we need to treat our little ones (and even our big ones -- teens are sometimes the hardest) with kindness and respect we expect them to show us and others. 

Gosh. I better start practicing what I'm preaching here. Maybe I'm blogging about this so all of you will hold me accountable. This parenting thing is a daunting occupation. 

Marketing Commandments

If you're in business for yourself, you've probably got a collection of books on how to be a marketing expert. Grabbing the attention of the media, whether traditional (newspaper, television, radio, etc.) or new media (blogs, forums, Facebook, etc.) is something most business owners dream of someday getting.

Here are a few things I've learned over the past decade of pitching the media and being pitched to as a member of the media. Even if you just have a side hobby that you want to turn into cash, these tips are a great starting point. Who knows, maybe someday you'll be written up in the pages of Fast Company or Forbes.

1. Know thyself. Realize why you're in business and what makes you different from your competitors. If you're not in it to win it, reevaluate things and innovate.

2. Know thy stuff. Are you an expert in your field? Learn all you can to become one and then create press/media kit materials around what you know and what value your business represents. 

3. Know thy audience. Find out everything you can about your ideal clients and customers. Educate yourself on who they are and where they go for information to solve their daily problems.

4. Innovate. It has been said that the only human institution that rejects progress is a cemetary. You're alive, so accept and seek positive change. Change for the right reasons and in a positive direction will make it easier for you to be noticed. This video from Fast Company's Work Smart series will get you started.

The Job I Love

I recently made a job change and it was pretty big. I'm sure there are those who thought I was crazy to leave a job that might have appeared to be the stopping place in a career. But, looks are often deceiving.

I'm now the marketing director for Steal Network. "Founded by Jana Francis and Rett Clevenger, Steal Network is an interactive marketing company that delivers top quality brands and products one-day-at-a-time to their communities of women through the websites BabySteals.com, ScrapbookSteals.com and KidSteals.com, KidCrawl.com and many more to come." This exciting company is a little over three years old and growing rapidly. I love being part of the team.

Here's the short list for why I love Steal Network:

• Everyone plays to win. Employees have their eye on making the company better and more profitable. Imagine that? How refreshing.
• No micro-managing. This is incredibly liberating. Everyone is in charge of where and what they spend my time on. Results are expected and everyone delivers.
• Family values. I don't feel looked down upon when I mention I have to leave to pick up children or attend a softball game.
• Opposite of corporate, but completely professional. 
• They love babies and kids. I have been in more meetings with where co-workers have their baby or small child with them (or I can hear their baby or small child over the speakerphone) than I have been in without them — and no one rolls their eyes or acts like it is out of the ordinary or unacceptable. That is a totally new world for me.
• Listening. They are open to their employees input and suggestions. They don't just say they listen, they actually do! In the past few weeks the owners themselves have conducted the yearly reviews, sometimes spending upwards of an hour with each employee.
• Approachability. My bosses are extremely intelligent, but never intimidating — plus they're innovative and hardworking.They're authentic and fun to be with, which makes our meetings such a pleasure to attend.
• Their motto is: We Send Joy — and they mean it. The women they serve are overwhelmingly delighted with the service, product, and experience. Amazing.

If you haven't checked out the steals they offer daily, head over and sign up for their email. You'll thank me later for all the money saving I'm helping you with here.

BabySteals.com - This is the place to get all the latest and greatest baby gear for tots under 2. If you frequently go to baby showers, but don't have any kids under 2, this place will help you get the perfect shower gift every time.

KidSteals.com - This site showcases everything your preschoolers and school-aged children need. Every day is different with kids. This site keeps you ahead of the curve.

ScrapbookSteals.com - I'm not a scrapbooker, but I enjoy this site for the creative mama moments I often have with (or without) my kids. Need something to make those invitations stand out? This is the place. Looking for an idea for a summer craft? This place has it all.

KidCrawl.com -  If you're a bargain hunter and you're looking for a specific baby or child product, check this site first. You'll be able to see thousands of mom reviews on products, where to get the best price (with links to those sites), and when the product typically goes on sale. You'll also find a community of moms eager and willing to answer your questions about anything and everything relating to raising babies.

Disclaimer: The postings on this site are my own and don't necessarily represent Steal Network’s positions, strategies or opinions.

Blogging: Today's Version of the Mixed Tape

For those of you asking, "What's a mixed tape?" I'll enlighten you. Back before there were iPods, there were these shiny plastic things called CD's that held music on them...and before that, everyone used plastic rectangles with black tape running from one spool to the next inside of them. Those things were called cassette tapes and, when they weren't melting on someone's dashboard, they were put inside something kind of like an iHome to play whatever you had previously recorded on them (sort of like a playlist on your iPod). Weird, right?

Recently I was cleaning out my basement and found a duffle bag full of mixed tapes I didn't have the heart to throw out. There were a few from high school friends and one or two from my sister, but most were from past boyfriends. They had titles like, Remember When, Missing You, Our Summer Songs, and Songs for a Girl Named Pam, and other cheesy lines like that. 
 
While reminiscing about that bygone trend of throwing a bunch of similar, mostly unrelated, songs onto a tape, I realized something. Blogging is a lot like making a mixed tape. We put our ramblings onto this thing called the internet in hopes that someone, somewhere will read them. Since I have a whopping 40+ "followers" of my blog, I'm sure this post will be read by maybe two people. Then, it will be archived in the internet duffle bag where all mediocre blog posts go. Much like a mixed tape. 

When we look back twenty years from now, we'll probably ask each other, "remember blogging?"

Here's one of the songs from my 80s mixed tape collection. I like the high-tech graphics in this video and the dog wearing sunglasses. I'm not sure what this girl is building either...a bomb? a double coffee pot? Feel free to pass it along or add it to your play list.

Relax, They're Only Words

Last month, I announced a job change. That post has been my biggest source of traffic to my blog to date. Here's why: Many people from my former employer's company have read it and talked about it. I guess my word choice to describe the size of the company vexed some people.

To clarify, the company I worked for had/has problems that are inherent with a large company. I mentioned that in my original post. Any large company has problems. This shouldn't come as an astonishing revelation. Everyone who works at a large corporation knows about the problems within the company and are often afraid to talk about the fact that they exist.  If you read anything on how to make your place of employment better, you will surely come across at least one mention of open discussion on how to improve. Getting caught up in someone's word choice is counter productive. If a company is to progress, listening and learning from their employees is a great place to start.

Here's the truth: I enjoyed my job immensely. I really loved writing, creating, networking, and everything else I did while employed by the unnamed large company. I worked for a terrific boss, with stellar people in my department, and with an engaged audience. There were many at the company who supported my success. I just chose to move on.  That's it.

Since my word to describe the largeness of the company didn't suit so many, here are some others that might work better:

gargantuan
prodigious
super-sized
mammoth
giant
jumbo
ginormous
immense

These words are only words and they're not meant to injure. They're meant to illustrate. Relax.

Everyone's a Writer

Nowadays everyone is a writer. Sort of. Most people have a blog and the internet doesn't discriminate. Whether you use way too many exclamation points in your writing or don't know to put the period inside the quotation marks, you can still get published as a commenter, Tweeter, or blogger.  Mistakes happen in writing — I've even found mistakes in my favorite national publications — so, don't worry about being a perfect writer.

As the editor of a local magazine, I've been pitched by so many people wanting to write. Some have good ideas, but no experience. Some have experience, but no ideas.  Some drop the ball when I throw it back into their court. Here are a few things you should know if you're vying for a coveted writing gig in a printed publication:

1. Learn to write. Take a class or find a mentor who will tell you how to improve. Be open to criticism. When I first started writing I had a wonderful editor named Hilary. She was kind, but firm. I appreciated her feedback — fed off of it, actually. She helped me become a better writer.

2. Get feedback. Just because your family tells you you're an awesome writer doesn't mean you are about to win any journalism awards. Think American Idol. Not all those people had the chops to make it to the show. If you really want to write, ask the opinions from those people who don't have to live with you and can tell you like it is.

3. You don't have to have a degree to write. All you need is ideas and discipline to write them down. Don't feel like you have to have a piece of paper to validate that you can write. Anyone can write. Those who write well work at it every day.

4. Publish where you can. Shoot for a publication that is attainable. If you have a small town newspaper, start there. If you're on the PTA, write the newsletter. Writing for print is a different thing entirely than writing for a blog*.

5. Keep at it. Don't give up if you get rejected by a publication. Persistence will pay off. Make lists of all the things you know and write about them. Write as much as possible. Write about things you love, thing you're passionate about and things that mystify you. Make lists of people you know who could help you get your writing out to the audience you're trying to reach. Start small and work at it every day. If your first pitch is rejected, try something new or try pitching it to someone else. Be creative, but most of all — don't stop writing.

*About blogs: If you write one, you're on the right track, but don't just blog. Write for publication and you'll get better. Blogs don't have any accountability. My daughter reads mine and tells me where I have errors (which I promptly fix), but most people won't tell you about your grammar or misspellings on your blog. Since you probably don't have a blog editor, go somewhere where you will have an editor. This extra step will make you a better writer. Seeing your words in print will also motivate you to do more writing for print. Plus, it's one hell of a confidence booster.

Great books I recommend on writing:

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
On Writing by Steven King
Spunk and Bite by Arthur Plotnik
Writer Mama: How to Raise a Writing Career Alongside Your Kids

How to Become Wildly Successful via @PeterShankman

Peter Shankman, the founder of Help A Reporter Out, an online source for journalists and a great tool for people (or businesses) trying to get press, has been an entrepreneur since the day he had to leave college. His money ran out and he had to drive across the country from sunny California to New York City, his hometown. His story is astounding, wacky, and miraculous. He shared his tips on social media, building a following and becoming wildly successful while visiting Salt Lake City and I had the opportunity to attend.

Here is how he built Help A Reporter Out and how you can build something big, too:

1. Transparency. Be real. Be honest. Deal with everything as fast as you can. When you're transparent, you'll shut down problems and make everyone accountable for their actions (including you!).
2. Relevance. Give your audience what they want — how they want it. How do you know what your audience prefers to receive their information? Ask them. Find out more about your audience/customers than anyone else in the business and treat them well.
3. Brevity. The world has a shorter attention span than ever now. You only have 140 characters or 2.6 seconds to work with, it seems. Learn to write. Shankman says, "You will be eliminated if you don't know how to write."
4. Top of Mind. Stay in touch with your audience and be nice. Take a page from Barry Diller a broadcasting exec responsible for the success of  Paramount, Fox and USA Broadcasting. Diller made a habit of calling 10 people every day, just to say "hello" or find out how they were doing.  If you make your conversations 80% about the other person, you'll go much further than if you talk about yourself incessantly.

The most interesting part of Shankman's whole presentation was that he moves with the deliberation of a man with a plan, but acts as if it all his success just magically happens. The key to that is his theory of backup plans. He proposes that rather than have a backup plan for failure, we have a backup  plan for success. What's your backup plan? What kind of success will you create?

Stories Untold

One of my inspiring friends, Julie Hanks.

Women inspire me. Maybe I'm sappy, but I thoroughly enjoy watching, listening, and crafting stories about real-life women. Their resilience, persistence, grace and humility are sometimes too much for my tear ducts to take. I don't ever grow tired of their stories. There's always something in them we need to hear.

Today I interviewed the four honorees and overall winner for the magazine's big award luncheon we hold every year. These women have so much quiet strength, I felt uplifted just by being in the same room with them. Hearing their stories, what inspires them, what keeps them going through tough times (cancer, homelessness, disability, paralysis, to name a few) brought me to tears. A tangible sisterhood enveloped us. We laughed at our similarities and cried over losses. We discovered, too, that we're all going through similar experiences, just at different seasons.

Heart ache.

Uncertainty.

Falling in love.

Moving away.

Living on nothing.

Staying up way too late.

Confusion.

Morning sickness all day.

Unconditional love.

Fat pants.

Piles of laundry.

Crying at the kindergarten door.

Office politics.

Snotty noses.

Piles of laundry.

Financial crises.

Working late.
 
Defeat.

Squeezy hugs.

Pure joy.

Seemingly endless fatigue.

Happiness.


When we feel the overwhelming feeling like no one understands us, reach out to a girl friend, sister, neighbor or stranger and ask her about her story. Interview her. Ask her about her life and what she's learned. Chances are you'll not only stop feeling alone, you'll learn something and you'll make her feel loved. If you ask enough and dig deep enough you'll find a story which will inspire you. Each woman's story is meant to be told. What's yours?

I'd like to tell your story. Contact me at pamelabaumeister[at]gmail.com and I will.

Value of Restraint

“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter 

I've thought a lot about this concept. I've been guilty of shooting off my mouth (or an email) when I'm angry. My last post written to Home Depot was done after the heat of anger had cooled. But, it still comes off as maybe a bit more harsh than it should have been. However, I still got the result I was looking for: awareness and a reaction from Home Depot themselves. 


Since I'm in a career that is largely in the public eye, I deal with a lot of complaints. Women are not shy about voicing their frustrations and disappointments. I can type in the word "disappointment" in my search window in my email client and find at least four or five emails from women who were disappointed in something I was a part of — an ad that ran in the magazine for which I run, a shirt that didn't fit or a detail that was omitted from a story that the reader felt was vital. In many cases, I had to make a judgment call and knew I'd make at least a few people frustrated.


When you're in the heat of anger, though, rattling off an email or calling to rant at the offender about how disappointed you are often comes back to bite you. 


The other day I received two nasty, angry emails. I calmly replied that I'd see what I could do to resolve the situation, then separately called both parties. In both cases, I was met with chagrin.


One person said, "I'm sorry. I probably should have waited to send that [email] to you. Now that I look at the situation, I realize it's no big deal."


I think we can all learn a lesson in restraint. When you're angry. Wait.


Wait some more.


Then, think as you write your letter or email to the person with which you're angry. Think about what you want to say to them before you say it. Then wait some more before sending it or saying it. Re-read what you write aloud and determine if it's worth sending. You'll save yourself a lot of regret and shame if you handle yourself with restraint. 


The old adage "an ounce of prevention" certainly applies in these cases. I certainly appreciate it when I'm on the receiving end of someones disappointment.

Why I'll never buy another appliance from Home Depot

For those of you who know me, I'm not one to mince words. This is the letter I sent to the Home Depot social media person about my experience with purchasing my new LG washer/dryer from them. I sent it on December 10. I still have not heard back from anyone at Home Depot.
-----------

Hi Sarah,

I just got off the phone with LG. The purpose of their call was to tell me that the LG washer/dryer my husband and I purchased on Black Friday from Home Depot would not be delivered on December 15, when we were told it would be delivered. Then, the LG rep proceded to tell me they were not able to deliver it until after the first of the year. That's nearly six weeks from purchase!

I understand about products not being held at the store or a nearby warehouse (although that may be something Home Depot needs to do). What I don't understand is why a big company, like Home Depot, would make such a huge customer service gamble on predicting the delivery of such a vital home appliance. My current washing machine has been on the fritz for well over a month. By the time I get this washing machine and dryer from Home Depot, I'll be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Here's why:

I have four daughters ranging in age from one to 14. They change their clothes a lot. My baby poops through her clothes a lot. She also makes a lot of messes. I have a husband who likes to workout everyday. I also workout everyday. We sweat a lot. We have a lot of laundry which piles up and starts to smell. Quickly.

Recently, my first grader brought home lice. Do you know what you have to do when you have someone in your house with lice? Wash everything. And I mean everything. All clothes, bedding, backpacks, coats, hats, carpets, pillows, stuffed animals, and, of course every head in your house has to be scoured with lice shampoo and needs to be scrutinized with a fine-tooth comb.  All while I'm waiting for my new  washer and dryer to come from Home Depot.

We were all celebrating at my house last night that we have less than a week before the washer and dryer will be delivered. Then, I get this call today.

I have a lot of connections. I am more than willing to copy and paste this letter into my Facebook notes and my own blog. I would be happy to tell everyone out there - all the moms I know - to not purchase from Home Depot if they really need their purchase to save them from imminent household chaos.

If I don't hear from someone at Home Depot, I'll start my all-out campaign to spread the word about this experience.

By the way, I'm the editor of a woman's magazine with 165,00 women readers in Utah. They'll know about this, too.

Pamela Baumeister
The person who just spent over $1200 in your store.

How to Negotiate Like a Girl

My husband says girls can’t throw. We throw like sissies, he says. Adding insult to injury, most men are such naturals that the only way they can throw like a girl is to use the “wrong hand.” It looks awkward and is inefficient at delivering the ball with speed and accuracy.

He’s right. I admit I throw like a girl. First off, I am a girl, and sadly, no one taught me to throw until I was an adult. However, powerful negotiation is one of those skills you don’t have to learn in youth. Learn how to be an excellent negotiator and you’ll feel as exhilarated as a little leaguer pitching a no-hitter.

Begin to negotiate like a powerful girl and create win-win situations for everyone involved. Begin with the basics and you’ll become a successful negotiator.

Emotion vs. Logic
One essential to negotiating is putting emotions in check. Workplace consultant and Work911.com creator Robert Bacal says as we become more emotional, we lose the ability to think clearly. The more we state facts and eliminate emotional judgments, the more we “maintain control,” counsels Bacal.
Let’s say you want a raise. To negotiate effectively, you have to prepare by knowing your subject and seeing things from all sides. Often, that means becoming a mini expert, learning more about it than your boss—a position of power. Here’s how you can.

1. Assess out how much of a raise you want. Research what others with your job earn, how often they receive raises, whether they get bonuses, and how their benefits structured. You are now armed to defend, with more logic than emotion, your increased salary.
2. Explain why you deserve a raise. Point out what you have done for the company, what you plan to do, and what your unique skills are. Quantify what you’ll give and what the raise is worth to the company. Reminded your boss he can’t live without you.
3. State when you want that bump in salary, putting yourself in the shoes of your boss. Consider your timing. Observe ahead of time what is happening in the company and what kind of resistance you may experience. Request your raise when you’ve just received a favorable review, a ringing client endorsement, or another job offer.

Women’s Intuition
Now that you’ve done your homework, you’re on your way to successful negotiation. Yet, don’t expect negotiation nirvana. You’ll probably still be nervous. However, when the stakes are high and your heart starts pounding, that’s the time to listen to your instincts and go with your gut. Remember, you’ve got feminine intuition–use it! Here’s how:

1. Play dress-up. You can usually better identify with your audience by dressing similarly. If you have a boss that is part of the “old boy’s club,” be a girl and wear your heels and a classy skirt or dress with a sport coat. Do not break out the cleavage card. It’s never professional.
2. Wear your “big-girl panties.” Stick to what you want. You are your own best ally. If you waver, you show that you don’t care about getting what you’re requesting. Write down what you want to happen, rehearse it and be prepared with evidence to support. Be prepared for an unfavorable response, though. Whatever happens, determine to be strong.
3. Use the perfect blend of sugar and spice. Friendliness and likeability will take you much further than you think. However, being sugary-sweet will turn most bosses or prospect off and appear fake. According to Tim Sanders, author of The Likeability Factor, “realness” will help you more than adopting false, unnatural traits.
4. Say what you want, then, zip it. After you’ve presented your case, ask for what you want. Making firm eye contact, state your monetary request, and promptly shut up! Don’t justify or explain. The pressure is now on the boss. Let him squirm. The moment you open your mouth to explain, your credibility is gone. When the answer is given, you may have to concede a bit, but now’s not the time. Know how low you are willing to drop, but don’t go there right away.

In summary, trust yourself and your talents. You will become better at negotiating when you practice. Find opportunities to hone your skills. High-priced boutiques or farmers’ markets are fun places to practice. You’ll find yourself more confident and in tune with your instincts. Stay firm. And, maybe, throw underhand next time a guy is watching.
Note: This post is an article I wrote for Wasatch Woman magazine in March/April 2008

The daytime drama

From a very young age, the tendency toward the theatric is second nature for my second daughter. As a three-year-old, she would be found wandering the house growling, "Where's my damn blankie!" or when she had to pay for something out of her piggy bank she'd wail, "I'm not a rich girl!"

I thought maybe that would end as she got older. Wrong.

Usually once a week she talks about how horrible her life is and how no one likes her and how things are "so not fair!" The unfair complaint is pretty typical for kids with siblings, I've heard (and know from experience). But, she doesn't draw the line there.


The other day I was helping her get ready for school, by making her lunch. She was in her typical tumultuous rush. She was in a dark mood; nothing was going right, apparently. I called out to her from the kitchen and the scene went something like this:

Me: What do you want for your sandwich?

Goose: Nothing!

Me: Nothing?

Goose: Yeah! Nothing.

Me: How come? You know you're going to be hungry.

Goose: (controlled scream) I'm fasting!

Me: (nonchalantly) Oh yeah? What for?

Goose: (practically in tears, now) That the Lord will take away my life!

Me: Hmm. Interesting. 

Then the thought, "I wonder if I should tell her that there are quicker ways to get results?"

Nah.

These are the days of my life.

Self control

Over the last six months I've been working hard on a big event. Now I'm about three days out from the the big day and my patience is starting to be tested. Today I got a nasty email from someone who was angry we closed registration without telling them. Here's what she wrote:

I'm sorry but screw you for having closed registation! I was told there was no deaedline but have been working my tail off to enter in the race. I was so excited to run...awful, awful planning for a woman's health run and fundraiser. I am beyond pissed and disapointed by this. Maybe you ought to consider better planning for next year or more notification of an upcoming deadline well before it happens. Thanks for nothing!
-mandabear77

Okay, maybe not publicizing our closure was an oversight on my part, but we did tell people to register early. Now I've had two downright enraged women contacting me with nothing but venom about the closure. One even told me she had the ad we ran from July on her fridge.

It seems like blaming someone for your own procrastination is like blaming Santa for bringing Christmas when you haven't purchased gifts for your family.

We knew we'd have people begging to get into the race, so we held a few spots aside. I was being judicious about who I would grant the right to get in at the last minute and wasn't about to give the golden ticket to that grouchy bear. I waited for inspiration to strike before deciding how to respond to mandabear77. About four hours after the seething email from her arrived, I received the following from her:

Sorry, my last message was a bit mean. I am upset but I shouldn't have reacted in the heat of the moment. I do apologize for being mean.
-mandabear77

To which I replied, as I've learned to do from years of motherhood:

Now that you've cooled down, do you want to know how to get into the race?

A woman I admire told me once that she never writes anything in an email that she would be ashamed to read in 25 years. I feel good about that reply and I think I'll still feel good about it in 25 years.