Is Busy-ness the New Addiction?

Even professional athletes have to take breaks from their workouts to recover. I wouldn't put myself in the  category of a professional athlete, but I can attest to the need for recovery. For the past four months, I've been trying to recover and it's the toughest thing I've done in a while.

That sounds lame when I read it out loud. But, it's true. I have adrenal fatigue and I'm learning that means I have to slow down and recover from my need to be busy.


I used to say these things on a fairly regular basis:

"I've got a million things to do."
"There just isn't enough time in the day!"
"I don't have time to do that."

Have you heard yourself saying similar things? Does saying those things make us seem more important or more valuable? You know the saying that if you want something done you should give it to a busy person. Is it because busy people can't say "no" or just that they have an addiction to being everything to everyone. I think I fell into that trap. In the past four months, I've been trying to make a shift away from saying those all-to-familiar phrases. The shift has been difficult, but liberating.

Why does our society look down on resting? Do we fear being called lazy? Do we feel we have evolved and now have the capability to do it all? I think our technology is so prevalent, we might feel we have to adapt to it, not the other way around. Maybe some part of us has a really hard time doing nothing. We don't want to be labeled as lazy. One of my friends said she thinks our society places far too much emphasis on the importance of being busy. Like somehow busy people are more important.

Here's what I'm not doing:

• blogging at a high frequency (or even a regular schedule).
• checking my email every five minutes (including while sitting at stoplights — c'mon, I think a lot of us do this!)
• training for a triathlon or running or visiting the gym. 
• trying to increase my followers on Twitter or on my blog.
• actively pursuing any major accomplishments...like writing a book, or planning a trip to Europe.
• cleaning my house regularly.
• going to every event I'm invited to.
• pushing myself to put a lot of things on my to-do list.
• scheduling myself or my kids to a lot of activities.

This holiday season is the time that most over achievers go overboard. This year, I'm going to go underboard.  This year I'm committing to slowing down, doing less and under achieving. 

What are you not going to do this season? 

Feeling tired...all the time

These days women are expected to do it all and do it all well. Be an awesome mom — no problem. Have a successful career — absolutely. Drive carpool — sure thing. Inspire others at business seminars — of course. Make meals for new neighbors — yep.  Well, if you're a modern woman, you get it. You've probably got it all handled, right?

Not me.

I haven't been myself for a while. While juggling a super-demanding, high-profile job as an editor (with no staff), being a mom of four daughters, keeping a tidy home, and working out as hard as possible to stay in great shape, I hit the bottom. For more than a year I've been tired almost all the time. I was having a hard time concentrating and felt like I could fall asleep nearly anywhere.

I was planning on competing in a few triathlons this season, but I just couldn't recover after my workouts and I kept getting sick (vertigo, inner ear infection, burst eardrum, pneumonia, etc.).  Feeling frustrated, I went to my doctor. He took my blood pressure and measured it as I went from lying down to standing up. It was unusually low as I lay down, but dropped even lower when I stood up. Then, as I stood there, getting my blood pressure taken every two minutes, I started to feel like I was about to pass out. I quickly laid back down and rested. I felt pretty ridiculous, but my doctor told me that my blood pressure was "yo-yoing" and it couldn't get caught up. He said that's why I got dizzy. I took some tests over the next week and was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue.

My body can't keep up with any stress because it has been under so much stress for so long. Adrenal fatigue isn't something you can see, it's more of how you feel. I felt like a zombie much of the time. Now I'm taking supplements for adrenal fatigue and resting more. My doctor has me taking the following:

• Ashwagandha, an herbal supplement that helps with stress and supports adrenal function
• PharmaGABA, a natural supplement that produce alpha brain waves (the same ones your brain produces when it's relaxes, yet alert)
• EPA/DHA oil (high-quality marine oil) 
• Multi-vitamin for women with lots of B vitamins included

Adrenal fatigue is fixable, but it does take some time and lifestyle changes. Some of the changes I've made: a better job with more autonomy and support, frequent meditation, letting things roll off my back when my kids start blaming me for their problems, and doing something artistic every day. I've committed myself to drawing everyday for a year. Where normal people with healthy adrenal function can receive stress relief from a good, hard workout — my doctor told me that hard workouts actually create more stress for my body. So, I've been doing more yoga and easy walks.

If you're feeling tired and sleep doesn't make you feel any better, you may want to talk to a naturopathic physician. My doctor, Dr. Todd Cameron, could probably recommend someone for you if you don't live close enough to visit him.

Reconnecting Friendship

I met Jen in third grade. My family had just moved to Windham, Maine from Heber City, Utah. In an effort to harness my energy and desire to perform, my parents enrolled me into ballet classes. With nine kids my mom was busy and asked around about carpooling to and from dance classes, which were held in Portland (about 15 minutes away).

Coincidentally, one of my third grade classmates also took classes from the same dance school, so my smarty momma hooked up a carpool with the other dancer's mom. Sitting in a back seat for 15 minutes while her mom drove us to and from dance class gave me and my carpool pal a lot of time to chat and giggle. Soon, Jen and I were inseparable.

Throughout elementary school, junior high, and high school, we did nearly everything together. We even joked that we shared a brain. You know the kind of friend that finishes your sentences, knows exactly what movie reference you're talking about and laughs at all of your dumb jokes? That was Jen.

Then, I moved to Utah for college. We slowly fell out of contact. My parents moved from Maine to the West and the only remaining family tie there was a brother with whom I wasn't super close.

I would dream about Jen every now and then. Mostly I'd wake up feeling empty and sad. I'd put it out of my mind and tell myself, "people move on and so should I." But, I secretly longed for that connection with an old friend who had known and loved me when I was a chubby, self-conscious dancer worried about the rolls of fat that couldn't be hidden in her leotard. Jen was that friend for me. She always lifted me up and made me laugh.

My 20-year high school reunion was two weeks ago. I went to Maine and we reunited. I was just a little nervous that we wouldn't connect...but, I plunged in and just two weeks ago, I got my best friend back. Like old times we laughed, finished each others sentences, and were goofy and wacky together. I felt like a kid. Now we have weekly Skype dates...almost like we're in the back of her mother's car on the way to dance class.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There's something to be said about spending time with someone who has known you for 30 years. I love the friendship we had, but I'm giddy over the friendship we're reconnecting and building.

How to Help Your Child Adjust to a New School

My second daughter started at a new school this last year. She was in 6th grade. The only friend she had was a neighbor girl who was in 7th grade. After the initial coolness of being the new girl wore off things got hard. She didn't know anyone in her grade and the school was small. Most of the friendships were already established making it difficult for her to break in to a friend group. Her older friend didn't seem to have much time for my daughter.  She felt lost.

As a result, her report card got progressively worse and she felt more and more inadequate. The further behind she got in her school work the more hopeless she felt. She finally just gave up,  rationalizing that it was too late to turn things around.

Next year I'll know the things I wish I had known this year. Next year, I'll be a better support for her. I know she'll do better too, because she's the kind of girls who can't stand to be bad at something.

Whether your child is starting kindergarten or just changing schools (elementary to junior high or junior high to high school counts), here's my advice for parents with a child starting at a new school:

• Get to know the teachers and school administrators. When there are problems (and there will be), they'll already know you and the conversations will be more productive.
• Be patient. The transition will take a good year for everyone to get adjusted.
• Your child may exhibit uncharacteristic behavior in a new situation and with a different social setting. Expect that you'll need to be more available for them with extra love and a listening ear. Don't always rush in to fix a situation. Let them try. If it seems like it won't turn around, step in carefully and let them know.
• Create a schedule for your child to include homework time, reading time, and chilling out time. The consistency in their after-school schedule will help balance out the unsteadiness they feel in their school schedule.
• Make sure they feel your confidence in them. Ask them if there is one thing they are nervous about and listen. Encourage them and tell them how proud of them you and that you'll be there for them if it gets rough.

Change can be difficult, but you and your child can learn to work through it together. If you have a child starting kindergarten, check out this post I wrote for KidSteals.com.

Good luck!

The Painful Truth About Threading

Threading doesn't look painful, but it is (as my mommy used to say, "stars and garters!"). Here's my video to prove it. I've done everything from bleaching to waxing to plucking. Threading is, hands down, the best way to effectively remove the tiny little hairs on your face (around your mouth, chin, 'stache, etc.). The process takes about 5-10 minutes, depending on your threshold for pain and your need to come up for air before you run screaming from the building. The hair doesn't regrow for at least 5 weeks and it costs about $15.

Note: The threading woman is named Nikoo, she's from Iran, and she must love watching women go through excruciating pain for beauty, because she's been doing this a loooong time. If you want her number, leave a comment.

Quick Fix: Reunion Hair

Before

When you have long hair and you're a mom of four, you tend to put off getting your hair cut. This upcoming reunion was the push I needed to trim, smooth, and fancy myself up.

After

Me and Amanda

I love Aveda salons because you get the nice massage before your hair cut and every thing smells lovely in there.  My stylist, Amanda, was very sweet and kept my hair change fairly low-key. Which is good for a reunion...I'll leave the half-shaved head for another day.

First-time hair cuts with new artists at Landis are around $20! If you're in Salt Lake and want to pamper yourself, check out Landis. They have two locations: Liberty Heights (900 East and 1300 South, where I went) and Marmalade.  

The groovy outside wall of Landis in Liberty Heights.

20-Year High School Reunion: A Journey Back in Time

Me and my bestie, Jen. Age 13. 

My journey back in time began with a Facebook invitation. Besides getting in touch with friends from my past, this frequent time waster was again filling up my inbox. The invitation, though, was one I couldn’t pass up — my 20-year high school reunion.  In Maine.

11 days after I graduated, I hopped a plane to college in Utah. Saying goodbye to family and friends was a bit hard, but I soon threw myself into this new adventure of college and being an adult. Two years later, I found myself in love, getting married and starting another adventure. I visited Maine once, after my first daughter was born, but didn’t really connect with any high school friends while there for the holidays. Aside from occasional online messages, I haven’t seen the 100 people with whom I shared graduation day. (Yes, my high school was that small.)

After making the decision, I’ve gone through the gamut of feelings. Excitement, trepidation, denial, anxiety, impatience, giddiness…all the emotions of a young girl getting ready for prom. 

I have to get my hair done! What am I going to wear? Should I try to lose a few pounds in a hurry? Will I still like my friends? Will they still like me?

I just turned 38. I feel all the angst of a teenager — without the smooth skin and endless energy. This is weird.