Stand Up for Her — and Yourself

Have you ever noticed that sometimes women can’t be happy for another woman’s success? Sometimes when a supposed rival succeeds we might come up with an excuse for why it was easy for her. “Sarah got lucky,” or “Vicki just knows the right people,” we might say.

I’ve observed that sometimes we women have a hard time when another woman we don’t approve of — or think prettier/uglier, smarter/dumber, and more/less successful than we — receives attention, accolades or press. The opposite should be true. However, we’re not all altruistic, are we? We should celebrate our sisters in their successes, rather than tear them down with jealousy and judgment. Jealousy and judgment will only lead to more frustration, bitterness and contempt. Three feelings we’d be better off without.

But, so often, we can’t see past our own insecurities. Maybe we feel the best way to protect our fragile egos is to tear others down. However, if we really dig deep, we will see that supporting and learning from others’ achievements makes us feel good.

In my work as an editor of a womens publication, I've had the opportunity to meet, interview and feature hundreds of women. These women have been mothers, grandmothers, entrepreneurs, artists, trend setters, community activists, story tellers, business leaders, athletes, creators, and nurturers. Their achievements, in some cases, are those an every-day woman could achieve. However, they all have one trait in common: a feminine strength and determination. They have inspired me to live up to my own potential, to be more, not less, of my own true self.

Marianne Williamson, one of my favorite authors, wrote:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I believe this to my core. The women in your life have a light to share. Take it in and let it liberate your own light to shine – without fear of judgment or jealousy from others.

8 Things Losing Taught Me

I'm a loser. I played right wing for a perpetually losing girls' field hockey team in junior high and high school. We were the Eagles, but we might as well have been the Beagles because we dogged it every game. We never won. We tied a few times. My entire field hockey career was filled with one failure after the next.

I don't remember the final scores for those games (except that we had fewer points, if any, than the other team). Losing felt bad then, but it taught me a lot about myself, life, and work.

1. If you're prepared, you still might bomb. 
2. Embarrassment isn't forever. 
3. Laughter goes a long way to make you feel better.
4. Yelling at your teammates won't improve their skills or your relationship.
5. If you miss a shot, there's always another try and another and another.
6. Working hard and sweating a lot makes you feel great about yourself even if you don't win.
7. Playing outside does wonders for your mood.
8. True friends still like you even after you lose.

Everyone's a Writer

Nowadays everyone is a writer. Sort of. Most people have a blog and the internet doesn't discriminate. Whether you use way too many exclamation points in your writing or don't know to put the period inside the quotation marks, you can still get published as a commenter, Tweeter, or blogger.  Mistakes happen in writing — I've even found mistakes in my favorite national publications — so, don't worry about being a perfect writer.

As the editor of a local magazine, I've been pitched by so many people wanting to write. Some have good ideas, but no experience. Some have experience, but no ideas.  Some drop the ball when I throw it back into their court. Here are a few things you should know if you're vying for a coveted writing gig in a printed publication:

1. Learn to write. Take a class or find a mentor who will tell you how to improve. Be open to criticism. When I first started writing I had a wonderful editor named Hilary. She was kind, but firm. I appreciated her feedback — fed off of it, actually. She helped me become a better writer.

2. Get feedback. Just because your family tells you you're an awesome writer doesn't mean you are about to win any journalism awards. Think American Idol. Not all those people had the chops to make it to the show. If you really want to write, ask the opinions from those people who don't have to live with you and can tell you like it is.

3. You don't have to have a degree to write. All you need is ideas and discipline to write them down. Don't feel like you have to have a piece of paper to validate that you can write. Anyone can write. Those who write well work at it every day.

4. Publish where you can. Shoot for a publication that is attainable. If you have a small town newspaper, start there. If you're on the PTA, write the newsletter. Writing for print is a different thing entirely than writing for a blog*.

5. Keep at it. Don't give up if you get rejected by a publication. Persistence will pay off. Make lists of all the things you know and write about them. Write as much as possible. Write about things you love, thing you're passionate about and things that mystify you. Make lists of people you know who could help you get your writing out to the audience you're trying to reach. Start small and work at it every day. If your first pitch is rejected, try something new or try pitching it to someone else. Be creative, but most of all — don't stop writing.

*About blogs: If you write one, you're on the right track, but don't just blog. Write for publication and you'll get better. Blogs don't have any accountability. My daughter reads mine and tells me where I have errors (which I promptly fix), but most people won't tell you about your grammar or misspellings on your blog. Since you probably don't have a blog editor, go somewhere where you will have an editor. This extra step will make you a better writer. Seeing your words in print will also motivate you to do more writing for print. Plus, it's one hell of a confidence booster.

Great books I recommend on writing:

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
On Writing by Steven King
Spunk and Bite by Arthur Plotnik
Writer Mama: How to Raise a Writing Career Alongside Your Kids

The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love/Hate

I got into it with my teenager last night. She sassed, I yelled, she screamed, I swatted, she kicked and promptly slammed her door in my face before I could react. 

Defeat.

Sure, I love that kid. She's funny, musically talented, beautiful and a great big sister (most of the time). But, sometimes I feel like putting her out with the dirty diapers and orange peels. When she sasses me, bosses her little sisters, nags, points out other's flaws and generally acts like a narcissistic brat, I have to hold myself back from utterly losing my mind, or worse, saying or doing something to her that I'll later regret.

When I first became a parent, other moms would say stuff like, "Wait until she becomes a teenager." Those helpful hints made me so nervous and scared that I'd hate my daughter once she turned 12 or 13...and, now I'm wondering if I sometimes do hate it because I was forewarned.

Why is it that we seem to want to scare other moms about parenting teens/tweens? Do we feel like we'll prepare those naive moms for the mind-melting, gray hair-raising days ahead? Telling other moms how tough it is might make us feel validated, but it could be doing more harm than good.

Putting new moms on guard for their potentially nasty teenagers doesn't help that future relationship between child and parent, it weakens the bond. Complaining about your teenager doesn't really make you feel any better. If your teen overhears you talking about them, you may have just damaged your relationship with them even further.

Teenagers wish adults weren't so negative about them. I remember feeling that way as a teen. Maybe teenagers need the same understanding and patience given to babies. Sure, it's easier to be patient with a baby, they can't tell you you're a horrible mom. So, what if we changed the way we (parents of teens) talk about raising our teenagers?

By referring to parenting teens as difficult, are we just setting ourselves up for future problems? If I didn't know they would be tough, would I approach interactions with my teenagers differently? Would I react to the moodiness, sassiness, and laziness any differently than I treat my baby who won't eat the food placed before her? How does one cope with the barrage of frustrations over teenagers? Should we bottle it up or find other ways to discuss possible solutions (and believe me, I've considered sending her to military school)?

Entrepreneur Tips: Getting Press

With the prevalence of online media, the opportunities for getting published information about your product or service out to the masses has grown by leaps and bounds.

Some tried and true methods still apply whether you’re pitching a product review to a blogger or pitching feature ideas about a great new business to a print publication. Here are a few rules to follow:

1. Know your audience. Become familiar with the types of people who would not only seek out your product or service, they’ll love it. Do all your research before you approach the media. Make your self into an expert, both on your product and your audience.
2. Match your audience to that of the media outlet you’re pitching. There’s nothing worse than assuming you know. Request a media kit from any media outlets that have them to familiarize your self with their demographics. Ask questions and make sure you’re audience coincides with that of the media outlet.
3. Get to know the format. Knowing what types of products or services the media outlet usually features, what kinds of stories they typically do and what tone they use will help you reach them. Read the blogs where you want to be mentioned. Watch the TV shows where you want to be a guest.  Subscribe to the magazines where you want to get published.
4. Be personal. Don’t mass email the media. They know when you’re sending a mass email by looking in the “to” field. They’ll be more likely to read your email if you address it to them specifically and mention something that applies to them directly. For example, say something like “in your January/February issue, you featured…” You’ll show them that you’re not only a reader, you’re are a real person and not another publicity hound.
5. Be authentic and unique. You’ve got to grab their attention, much like an ad has to grab the consumer’s attention. These people are busy and they get pitched to all the time. Come up with an angle that no one else has come up with before. Use your imagination and your personality.
6. Give them what they want. When you finally get through to a decision maker, you’ll want to show them that you know how to do this – even if you’ve never done “this” before. Give them succinct descriptions of why your product or service will interest their audience. Give them high-resolution photos, clickable links, snappy descriptions and all other information you feel necessary to bring traffic back to you. Make sure you answer their calls and emails promptly. This step is crucial and could be the key to a long relationship with the media, if you do it right.

Don’t give up if you don’t hear back from the media you’re pitching. Persistence really does pay off. Media decision makers are very busy, so give them time to respond to you. Use your discretion when emailing or calling – you don’t want to be a pest. If they email you that they aren’t interested, ask them if they have any suggestions, or if they can tell you what kind of content they need most. Offering to help them with their content could open another door for you. Always, always, always follow up. You’ll be surprised what a little consistency and timing can do to get you heard and seen.

Winter (Outdoor) Running Made Easy

Here in Utah, it's chilly for about half the year. That makes continued training for triathlons kind of sketchy. I'm too much of a wuss to ride my bike in the snow and ice. Low temperatures and disgusting inversion smog make running outdoors somewhat daunting, too.

My coach Wes Johnson told me if I train through the winter, I'd be surprised how much time I'd take off when the triathlon season comes around again. He also told me to work on my weakest event during the winter. My weakest event is running. As much as I struggle with loving to run, I struggle even more when it involves a treadmill. The best part of running is moving through a neighborhood or on a quiet mountain path. Treadmill running doesn't lead you anywhere but on a sweaty, pounding monotonous journey to the check mark on your to-do list.

Here are two things I've found to make running outdoors in winter a bit easier:

PodRunner

This is a free download from iTunes that makes you run faster and maintain a consistent cadence. Each mix has about two minutes of the creator, Steve Boyett, talking about the mix —how fast it is (bpm) and why he chose it, but once you get past that, you'll be running at a good clip for up to an hour. I usually cut out at about 30-40 minutes because I'm typically strapped for time. Some mixes are better than others, so you kind of have to experiment. On the site you'll find  both great interval training podcasts and steady state podcasts.  Overall, it's a great way to train if you run by yourself. Make sure you pay attention and don't turn it up too load if you're running on city streets.

Cuddl Duds

Although the company touts these leggings and long sleeve shirts as a great base layer, I like them for running. If it's not too cold, you can wear them alone. The shirts have thumb holes which help to keep your hands toasty whether you wear gloves or not. Plus, the neck is cut higher than most running shirts, so your neck stays warm, too. The leggings are soft, breathable and uber-comfy.

Shirts and Legging: $28

Where to buy: Available at JC Penney, Kohl’s or online at www.cuddlduds.com


Disclaimer: Cuddl Duds has not paid me to endorse their product.


Other things that help? A goal to work towards. On my vision board, I have the words, "take 15 minutes off final time" for my sprint triathlons this season. The only way I'll be able to do that is by working on getting better and faster at running. I've got to learn how to work around the snow/smog/rain to get better.

How to Become Wildly Successful via @PeterShankman

Peter Shankman, the founder of Help A Reporter Out, an online source for journalists and a great tool for people (or businesses) trying to get press, has been an entrepreneur since the day he had to leave college. His money ran out and he had to drive across the country from sunny California to New York City, his hometown. His story is astounding, wacky, and miraculous. He shared his tips on social media, building a following and becoming wildly successful while visiting Salt Lake City and I had the opportunity to attend.

Here is how he built Help A Reporter Out and how you can build something big, too:

1. Transparency. Be real. Be honest. Deal with everything as fast as you can. When you're transparent, you'll shut down problems and make everyone accountable for their actions (including you!).
2. Relevance. Give your audience what they want — how they want it. How do you know what your audience prefers to receive their information? Ask them. Find out more about your audience/customers than anyone else in the business and treat them well.
3. Brevity. The world has a shorter attention span than ever now. You only have 140 characters or 2.6 seconds to work with, it seems. Learn to write. Shankman says, "You will be eliminated if you don't know how to write."
4. Top of Mind. Stay in touch with your audience and be nice. Take a page from Barry Diller a broadcasting exec responsible for the success of  Paramount, Fox and USA Broadcasting. Diller made a habit of calling 10 people every day, just to say "hello" or find out how they were doing.  If you make your conversations 80% about the other person, you'll go much further than if you talk about yourself incessantly.

The most interesting part of Shankman's whole presentation was that he moves with the deliberation of a man with a plan, but acts as if it all his success just magically happens. The key to that is his theory of backup plans. He proposes that rather than have a backup plan for failure, we have a backup  plan for success. What's your backup plan? What kind of success will you create?